Getting a "little" desperate...

BLAH!


I can't even tell you how anxious I am.
I know it is exciting to not know what is going to happen and when Julianna will be ready to come into this world, but the suspense is killing me!
Lots of people have been telling me (and some of these guesses are from a while ago) that she is going to be born on Thursday - which is TOMORROW!
Tonight there is a full moon.
Could they be right?
Hmmm.... I don't know, but it feels like she is going to stay put for at least another week.


I am totally obsessed with having a VBAC right now.  The more I read about it, the more I want it.  The only problem is, I haven't been really dealing with the most supportive Dr in the world - and to my understanding, that makes ALL the difference!


Last Monday (2 days ago), I went to my 38 week appointment.  I was thrilled to hear that my body is still progressing little by little.  I went from 2 cm dilated to 3! YEY! and also from 50% effaced to 70%.  Not sure what the station of the baby is, but she said she is still pretty high.
Anyways, as I was getting checked, I noticed my Dr was doing something in there that did NOT feel normal.  Of course, the chicken that I am, I didn't say anything.
It actually HURT.
After I got dressed, I went to her office to have a little chat with her about, well, u know, my VBAC, and how I still want to continue waiting until I pass my 40 weeks.
She wasn't excited.  I even asked her if she felt ok, bc she was just so cold and distant.
She proceeded to tell me that today she stripped my membranes, so things should get moving faster!
Wait! WHAT? You did what?
I was in shock!  I couldn't believe she would do such thing without even asking me or letting me know what she was doing!
Again, I didn't say a word! ugh!  But Hello! That is HUGE!
Oh - you may not know what stripping membranes is. 
Here:  "Stripping the membranes is when a midwife, doctor or even the pregnant women inserts two fingers into the vagina and makes a sweeping motion inside the cervix to loosen not only the mucus plug but the bag of water from the uterus"  OH, and this is done to promote LABOR - which  I guess, sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't.


Anyways, she basically tried to induce me and I was NOT fine with that!
I stood there like a lost puppy and continued my conversation as to how long she was going to let me go without going in to get "literally induced" (u know, breaking my water, pitocin...)
***  I DO NOT WANT TO GET INDUCED *** But I guess, if I pass a certain point without going into spontaneous labor, I have to.
She started looking at her calendar and told me, May 10th!
What?
That's like only 1 day after my due date!
When I say I want to go past my due date, it means about a week or a week and a half past that day!  Not just a day!
Anyways, we ended our conversation with the usual "we will see what happens at the next appointment:".
And to be honest with you, I just don't feel like arguing with her or being too assertive.
I don't want her to think I am being disrespectful or too bitchy, when she is my Dr.  PLUS she is the one responsible for my baby's life (and mine too, for that matter).
I like her, I think she is super nice - but it just doesn't feel like she is going to try to get me to have a successful VBAC.  It doesn't seem like she is passionate about it like I thought she was.  On the contrary, it looks to me that she wants baby out soon, no matter how.  And that makes me sad!


As I left her office, I was feeling down (again).
I guess I just have to continue waiting to see what happens and breathe a lot and hope that things DO work out for me, one way or another.
"Que sea lo que Dios quiera"
(meaning, I leave it in God's hands)
Ultimately, I want to have and hold my HEALTHY baby girl in my arms, no matter how she comes into this world.


Today, I am 38 weeks 4 days.
I feel a bit better than yesterday.  (Forgot to mention, the membrane stripping thing made my body contract a LOT and get horrible menstrual-like cramps).
I am NOT sure if I am letting her do an internal next Monday.  Everyone tells me not to, but I am kind of obsessed with hearing my progress and see if I dilated anymore. So we will see.


I am glad I didn't go into labor right after she did that, because if I had gone into labor and had my baby via C-Section, I would have always believed that would had been the reason and been very upset.


I hope things happen soon! I hope this is the last post I do before going into labor and having my princess.
I mean, it could be, if i don't get in here again.  But if by next Monday nothing happens, chances are, I will blog again.  :-/


Common Baby Julianna! You know you want to meet me and ur daddy and gorgeous little brother! Or maybe not! Maybe she hears all the chaos always and Jojo's tantrums and is deciding to stay in there a bit longer! :-p